Sunday, December 25, 2005

Merry Christmas (War Is Over)

By John Lennon

So this is Christmas
And what have you done
Another year over
And a new one just begun
And so this is Christmas
I hope you have fun
The near and the dear ones
The old and the young

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear

And so this is Christmas (War is over)
For weak and for strong (If you want it)
For rich and the poor ones (War is over)
The world is so wrong (Now)
And so Happy Christmas (War is over)
For black and for white (If you want it)
For yellow and red ones (War is over)
Let's stop all the fight (Now)

A very merry Christmas
And a happy New Year
Let's hope it's a good one
Without any fear...

Pasko Paksiw

No one ought to go blogging on Christmas Day. Not when you have an entire army of resurrected relatives to attend to.
And everyone seems to be so happy... Too bad, I haven't been bitten by the holiday bug. =(
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year everyone!!!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005


*pasintabi kay Kellsye

Isang gabi, sa jeep na biyaheng Cubao-SSS Village...
Babae: Sila ___, parang may trace pa ng pagka-unggoy di ba? Hindi ako namimintas a. Pero parang hindi natapos yung evolution nila.
Lalake: Sino? Sila ___? Hindi naman a. Guwaping kaya si Kuya ___.
B: Si ___? Yung duling?
L: Hindi 'yon. Tito nila 'yon.... Saka hindi naman totoo yung evolution. Kaya nga theory e, it's not a fact.
B: Bakit yung mga skull na nakikita, parang sa unggoy talaga?
L: Nagkataon lang na ganon ang features ng nahuhukay nila. Kung totoo 'yon, bakit may mga taong mukhang kabayo?

Monday, December 12, 2005

Feels Like Home

by Chantal Kreviazuk

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light
Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

Drummer Mania

I have seen him play the Drum Mania (a drums version of the Dance Dance Revo) countless of times. He's good at it, as shown by the prefect scores and the unspoken admiration of on-lookers he has often received. But somehow, anti-technology me feel uncertain about his talent. Getting a 100 on the videoke even without getting a tune right is very possible so I thought it is so too with the virtual drum set.
I promised to watch him play the "real thing" when the opportunity comes. Last week, the long-hoped-for chance came. And watch I did, despite the rains, my raging asthma and brewing fever.

The performers had a pre-arranged seating separate from spectators so I came in alone. The venue was packed by that time but I managed to squeeze myself beside a group of coñotic colegialas.
Each band was given fifteen minutes to perform, and their band was the fourth in line. Anticipation and excitement (and asthma?) made my breathing erratic. The noise added to the chaos I was feeling that I wasn't able to make anything out of the first three performances. Finally, they were called.
They haven't been one minute into their performance when the crowd went wild.
"The drummer is so galing," the girl beside me said.
"He's cute pa," the other replied.
"One, two, three -- Go drummer!"
Then the-drummer-is-so-galing girl screamed, "I love you drummer!"
Grrr... I felt the urge to grab her by the hair, but she didn't have any idea about me and him so I absolved her of her sin. I couldn't blame her. The drummer was so galing talaga.
After their rocking performance, he invited me for snacks at the nearby canteen. I still couldn't believe he was the same guy being cheered by the crowd minutes earlier.
"Kailangan ng konting yabang pag nagpe-perform," he said.
That explains it. Off-stage he is quiet and reserved (I do all the yabang, hehe), hiding his brilliance behind the dorky eyeglasses.
"Nagkaroon ka ng instant fans' club a," I joked. Ako ang president, I added inwardly.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

The Complete Idiot's Guide to Filing Resignations

Some good things never last, so I can't see any reason why a bad thing should. Read on, and may the force be with you.

Step 1. Prepare the resignation letter. It should contain the date of effectivity, the reason for resigning, and an expression of appreciation.
Hey Bitch!
I'm leaving this loony bin and you can't do anything to stop me.
I've been dying to do this for a long time now but fear always gets the better of me. I realized, however, that if I have anything to be afraid of, a future of unemployment isn't it but a future of kissing your filthy ass.
But still, I want to thank you for teaching me how to value my self more. That's why I couldn't be under your nose any longer.
Good riddance!
Step 2. On the chosen day, come to the office later than usual (an hour will do). Stand tall, stiffen your upper lip, and look your boss directly in the eye.
Step 3. Go to your boss' desk and speak up before she does. What to say? "I'm leaving!" then proceed to Step 4.
Step 4. Slam your letter on her desk, walk away, and do not return.

But then, we are in the real world and fantasies are, well, just fantasies. Although I preferred the first version, I opted for the socially accepted resignation etiquette.

Step 1. It is too hard to write a polite letter for someone whom you have every reason to be impolite with. So go search the internet for carefully worded templates.
Step 2. Do not break your "early bird" record. It's wise to have enough time for practice.
Step 3. Approach your boss and hand her the letter.
Step 4. She will ask a few questions after she's read it. Be sure to answer her with respect. It will also help to give her the "If-I-had-a-choice-I-wouldn't-but..." statement to remove her doubts.
Step 5. Thank her for all the wonderful things she's done for you (invent if necessary) and shake her hand.
Step 6. Go to the bathroom and puke.
Step 7. Fix yourself. You will have to stay for two more weeks to do the turn-over.

Monday, December 05, 2005

The Date

I haven't done this in a long time. Not since the blackhole called “work” swallowed me whole. And since I know I'll be entering another blackhole soon, I might as well take this chance to relish my freedom. I went out on a date with my self. Don't get me wrong. Hindi ako nagti-T.I.I.S. (Tang Ina, I'm Single). Earthling is very much alive and kicking, thank you. I just wanted to go, uhm, for lack of a better word, soul-searching.

First stop: Loyola Memorial Park, Marikina. We're a bit literal, huh? Halloween was over a month ago and unless I possess an extraordinary ability to attract souls, I wouldn't stand a chance of finding one. Not in the heat of the nine o'clock sun.

I sat on one of the benches and read a Butch Dalisay story (from earthling's book) titled The First of our Dead. The story echoed the questions I've been asking since time immemorial – what happens after we die? One character argued that dead is dead is dead, period. Everything will just be black. Another character claimed there is an afterlife.

The notion of an afterlife is far more attractive. The question then becomes – what part of the beings under those marble markers are roasting in the burrows of hell? And how many are having, as Professor McGonagall puts it, “mild-mannered frivolities” in heaven? A dog passed by and sniffed one of the markers incessantly. The scene made me wonder if transmigration is true. What if the dog-soul wants to get back into the body six feet under? Before you think I've gone bonkers, I'm happy to say that I left after an hour, bored with the company of dead people.

My next stop fully negates whatever image of abnormality I have cast upon myself and re-establishes the once-clear fact that I am mentally healthy. Sure, the Greenhills tiangge is the last place you'll go to if you want soul-searching. But sole-searching just might work.

There are shoes of all kinds and sizes but I wasn't in the mood to choose any. Besides, I wasn't with my sister-slash-fashion consultant so I was quite sure I'd pick the wrong pair. After rambling for an hour, I felt the vendors casting suspicious glances at me. It was a bad case of paranoia. It drove me to spend P180 for two blouses I'm not sure if I'd have the courage to wear. Only to find the same being sold at two for P150 at the stall a few meters from where I bought mine. I realized it was stupid of me not to try haggling in a tiangge. Treinta din 'yon a.

What's a date without a movie? I'm not a fan of mainstream movies and I make it a point to watch only the worthy ones so I consider myself lucky that Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire was still being shown two weeks after its release.

There were only twenty people in the theatre and I was the only one to come alone, all the others were in pairs. I'm not being bitter but I really think I'd appreciate a film better without distractions. You know how some guys are when you're in the K.K.K. (Kataas-taasan Kadilim-diliman Kasulok-sulukang bahagi ng sinehan, hehehe!). Besides, I'd never get to sigh and simper about Viktor Krum when I'm with my significant other.

After the movie, I spent the next two hours trying to finish a whopper meal. Burger King has this promo that had me eating like a pig – Buy a Whopper Jr. Value Meal, get another Whopper Jr. burger for free! Just present your Laking National Card from National Bookstore. Promo is valid in all BK branches until Dec. 31, 2005. (Nag-plug?!). Stupid me haven't thought of take-out. I walked away some three inches fatter by the waist.

Riding the rush-hour MRT on my way home brought me back to my senses. I was tired and broke and for a while I chided myself for coming up with the soul-searching shit. But a few seconds later, I was relieved, thankful to get in touch with myself once more, the self that was snatched from me when I entered the corporate world four months ago.

I just wish I won't be lobotomized again in my next job...

Thursday, December 01, 2005

It's beginning to feel a lot like Lent...

I just filed for resignation. And yesterday was my last day at work. Today, of course, is my first day of "paradise regained." Well, not exactly paradise-like. For one, I will not be experiencing the joy of receiving my supposed-to-be first Christmas bonus. That means I have to devise Houdini-esque escape from my poor inaanaks and limit my already-limited marginal propensity to spend (Econ 100.1?).

But then again, a few hundred bucks is not enough to buy my dignity. The corporate world sucks. It s
ure feels great to be free from a Xanthippe of a boss and no-brainer paper works.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Tales From the Trip*

*From my journal entry dated July 10, 2005. I posted it here just because I have nothing else to post.

The best things in life are free
I just came back from an all-expense paid trip to Iloilo. My friend who works for a shipping company as a junior marketing consultant took me in as part of his research team (Apparently, he thought I needed a break from my over-extended break). All we had to do was observe the ship’s services, evaluate it, and compare it with that of the competitor’s. We also had to be good actors because the ship’s crew is aware of this system (it’s a monthly thing), only they don’t know when exactly will the observers strike. The thought of being an undercover agent, even for a short time, was thrilling. It gets even more so when you didn’t tell your mom about it.

Titanic moments
Spending the evening at the ship’s sundeck was the best part of the trip. My solitude brought me a sense of affinity with nature. The stars looked nearer and brighter, as if to say that I am not alone. The wind’s embrace chilled my bone but I welcomed it nonetheless. The waves told their stories in varying manners, at times they scream and bellow, at others they sigh, drone, and whisper, confiding secrets they have gathered over the years.
This couldn’t just emerge from a cosmic egg explosion. I looked up, closed my eyes, and felt the cold breeze kiss my cheek.
It’s a pity pleasure-seeking humans profane nature’s beauty by bringing with them whatever form of entertainment they have been used to. And so the ship has a disco/bar, videoke, and television sets grabbing people’s attention and ruining what little chance nature has of being appreciated.

It’s a small world after all…
Because I still had to observe other parts of the ship, I was compelled to leave the deck. I went to the bar to report to my team mates, but of course we had to be discreet so we did it with a lot of drinking, laughing, singing, and dancing. One of my fellow researchers sang with the band and dedicated his song to "my classmates from UP Diliman." (we concocted a tale about us being orgmates going to Iloilo for an org activity.) Beside our table was a group of middle-aged ladies, who by the look on their faces, seemed amazed at our capacity for dissipation (we did it in the name of research, really). When one of them heard that we were from UP, she turned to us and asked if anyone was from MassComm. I didn’t want to engage in a conversation so I pretended not to hear her (mean, mean, mean) but my friend answered for me.
"Siya po, Journalism
"May kilala ka bang Juay?"
The name is so unique I didn’t have to ask for the full name to know who she’s referring to.
"Opo, orgmate ko po siya. Classmate ko rin po siya sa dalawang subjects last year."
It turned out that Juay is her daughter. She even showed us some of Juay’s pictures she keeps in her wallet.
For our accommodation, the company booked us at Iloilo's grandest hotel, the Sarabia Manor. Too bad we only got to stay there for one day and one night.

The delayed departure from the port of Bacolod was exasperating. I have fallen asleep only to find out upon waking that we were still there. I was pacing up and down the side deck when I saw a man looking as irritated as I was. "Misery loves company and this is a good opportunity to do the interview," I thought. (Part of our tasks as researchers was to talk to some of our fellow passengers onboard the rival ship.) I intended to do the interview later but since I had nothing else to do, I approached the man.

"Anong oras daw po aalis?" I asked. I might have looked so irate because his reply was, "Hayaan mo, bukas nasa diyaryo na yan," as if trying to console a child with a piece of candy. His remark sparked my interest. Suddenly the interview wasn't just a chore I had to do.
"Reporter po kayo?"
"Yung kapatid ko, taga-
People's Journal." I was surprised at how cockily he said this. I realized how much power the press has and how this makes it so open to abuse.

"Delayed nga rin po yung pag-alis sa Iloilo kanina e," I whined.
"Kaya hindi umuunlad ang Pilipinas e," he grimly remarked.
He went on to talk about the wretchedness of Philippine society and exclaimed that the country is beyond hope. The only hope, he said, is "patayin ang lahat nang tao at magsimula ng bago." I guess the present political situation has done much to make him feel that way.
"Masyado naman po kayong pessimistic," I said, trying to ease the tension. "May pag-asa pa naman po siguro."
He scowled. "Ilang taon ka na ba?"
"Twenty po."

"Twenty years ko nang pinag-aaralan 'to. Noon pa lang, na-predict na namin na wala na talagang pag-asa."
Afraid of getting another "shut-up-I-know-better" look, I didn't attempt to counter his claims anymore, although some of his assertions were downright erroneous.

Before leaving, he gave me an unsolicited advice: "Kung may chance kang umalis, umalis ka na dito."
Damn. I suddenly wanted to jump off board.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

October won't be a post-less month

I've been too busy lately I haven't noticed that the month is almost over. Work has cut my connection with the rest of the world. I haven't watched a single TV show, a movie (waa! I missed the Cinemanila International Film Festival!!!), I haven't read a single news story (or even a lead), nor was I able to start reading any of the new books I've bought. I have no idea what songs/artists dominate the airwaves these days (except for MYMP and Hale) and my e-mail has been unchecked until, uhm, 5 minutes ago.

Our office is not in a subterranean village/a jungle/the exosphere. It's right in the middle of Makati. Then why the heck do I sound so thrown-out-of-civilization?

Well, October happened to be a very busy month for the company. The bigwigs are asking for reports that for some reason seem to have no end. We minions are always told to revise this, polish that, as if they do read the reports we submit. Grrr. There was one week when I stayed in the office from 6AM to 11PM (no overtime pay) just to avoid hearing my boss use the phrase "Parang hindi kayo nagtratrabaho" on me. It was followed by a two-day unpaid sick leave. (Perhaps it's sick to wish for sickness but I do wish I'd fall ill often enough to get some rest and to have "valid" reason for leaving the company without being sued for breach of contract.)

I wonder how my co-workers go on. They're like automatons and I feel like I'm gradually becoming one of them. We are running through life without living it. To where are we heading, anyway?

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Birthday Blabber

Another year passed in a blur. Wasn’t it just yesterday when you were ranting about your thesis? How you plagued the UPJC logbook with your I’m-sick-of-this-life entries! Reading your blog posts now, I can safely deduce that you haven’t matured a bit. Remember Malthus’s assertion? That the growth of food production is linear while that of population is exponential and so we’ll starve sooner or later? You’re kinda like that. Your physical maturation is exponential but mentally? Tsk tsk, you’ve got a lot of catching up to do. And don’t accuse me of committing false analogy. You’re taking your Philo I way too seriously.

So many things happened within a year. You finished college, thanks God. You reunited with him, landed a job, squandered your first paycheck. I sure hope you learned something from those milestones. Why are you giving me that look? I didn’t mean to sound sarcastic… That’s better than your sister’s advice to “(Sigh) Grow up,” the day your unbreakable (or so you thought) tough girl mask fell and you cried cried cried ‘til your tear glands dried. And the reason was – what was it again? Ah, that you hate your job and you want to quit and that you deserve something better. Just where did you get that stupidly egoistic idea? Anyway, I agree with your sister…

Growing up. Why, you look like you’re talking of a different dimension when you utter those two words! What are you afraid of? Change? Well, if it weren’t for change, we’d still be living in caves now. Growing old, probably? I know how you feel every time you see children playing, or being fed by their parents. It’s like the feeling you get when you miss a bus/jeep/FX. You chase the speeding vehicle with your gaze and think, “I could have been in that one.” But it’s not like you missed that time of your life. You were a nasty little rascal then (you still are). You see, growing up doesn’t necessarily mean growing old and boring. It just so happened that they take place at almost the same time. That means you don’t really have to forego the pleasure of using your rubber shoes and Pucca bag. You just have to control the urge of wearing them with your business attire, suit and all. It doesn’t mean you have to change your self or abandon your beliefs. It just means you have to learn how to adjust your sails a little. Don’t go against the wind.

Geez, I’m getting too preachy. And for what? You won’t listen anyway. You’d still be the whiny bitch you’ve always been, ranting about everything, believing you’re the best despite all the signs showing otherwise. I give up. Maybe you shouldn’t be contemplating your self in the mirror too much. You’re only reminded of the things you’d rather forget (i.e., wrinkles and fine lines).

Thursday, September 08, 2005

what the...?

Got tired of the blue template... Everything about me is blue these days that it's becoming the dominant theme of my existence... (woohoo, drama!). Ngayon, dahil puro na bilog, sana ulanin na ako ng suwerte... kahit may kalayuan pa ang bagong taon.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Bad Start

INT. 8:45 a.m. Tulirong nakatitig si Cess sa santambak na papel sa kanyang mesa.

OFFICEMATE 1: Bakit mukhang balisa ka yata ngayon?
CESS: Nasabon ako e. May kasama pang hilod at banlaw.
OFFICEMATE 2: Hindi pa nga masyado yun e.
CESS: Huh?
O1: OK lang yan, masasanay ka rin.
C: Masasanay...meaning palagi akong sisigawan? Yoko nga.
O2: Sus, buti nga yun e. Para naman hindi na lang kami palagi.

After 30 minutes...

OFFICEMATE 3: O, balita ko na-promote ka daw.
C: Oo nga e. Congrats sakin (Talk about defense mechanisms...).

Ang sama ng first day of the month. Idaan ko na lang kaya sa kanta?
Wake Me Up When September Ends
by Green Day
Summer has come and past,
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends.

Like my fathers come to pass,
Seven years has gone so fast
Wake me up when September ends.

Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars
Drenched in my pain again
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rests
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends.

Summer has come and past
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends.

Ring out the bells again
Like we did when spring began
Wake me up when September ends.

Here comes the rain again,
Falling from the stars.
Drenched in my pain again,
Becoming who we are.
As my memory rest,
But never forgets what I lost
Wake me up when September ends.

Summer has come and past
The innocent can never last
Wake me up when September ends.

Like my fathers come to pass.
Twenty years has gone so fast.
Wake me up when September ends.[x3]

Friday, August 26, 2005


So, it's been a month. Four weeks spent trying to convince myself to at least like what I'm doing. Didn't work. Everyday I wake up and curse the heavens for putting me in this place. I can't stay like this forever.

I feel trapped.Why did I sign the contract?

I wish I can find a way out. But for now all I can do is to convince myself harder. Sigh...


To Cess, With Love:

1) Come on. Five months and you're out.
2) Love begets love. Love your work/boss and it/she will love you back.
3) As your brother (aka "Stone Cold Kuya") puts it, "At least hindi ka na kasama sa unemployment rate."
4) Well, it makes you happy twice a month...
5) It's fun to see your boss mad. It's even more fun to see the gradual manifestation of her need for that new product from Pond's ("fight the eight early signs of aging"), hahaha.

after 48 years...

I finally got the chance to update my blog. I just wish my boss won't see me doing this, ehehe... More so because my recent posts are about her.

Hmm... What now? I have nothing new to say/write. Rants again? Even I got tired after reading my entries. But then, it makes me feel a bit relieved to vent my gripes to the world (a feeling a lot like what you get after taking Dulcolax, haha!).

So that's why it's called cesspool, eh?

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Hay, salamat...

For the very first time, my boss has given me a cordial treatment. It has always been a toss-up between the "I'm-the-Boss" and the "I-refuse-to-see-you" modes. Why, she has even condescended to ask me if I'm already feeling fine after my unfortunate illness (which she has chided me for only a few days ago) and has bestowed me a true-blue smile (not the smirks she has been too generously giving me since I started).

Maybe because:
a) she woke up on the right side of the bed
b) the cold weather cooled her temper
c) I have done something pleasing (which is highly unlikely, I haven't done anything this morning except pretend I was busy)
d) she decided to mend her ways before it's too late
e) it's a Saturday and we're only in the office for half of the day
f) all of the above

I wish she'd be in that mood forever and ever. Amen.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Sick & Tired

I didn't go to work yesterday. These drastic weather changes made me ill. I prayed that I be sick a little longer so I could at least miss my boss and regain part of my rapidly fading enthusiasm (Come to think of it, maybe the weather wasn't the reason for my illness...). But then, my prayer falls under the "Sloth" category of the Deadly Capital Sins so it wasn't granted and so poor me had to punch my blasted time card this morning.
I thought my condition would make my boss gentle. Turned out I was wrong.


Boss: Ano bang nangyari sa'yo? Hindi ka pa nga nagfi-field nilagnat ka na.
Ako: Naulanan po ako nung Monday e.
B: Bakit ako, hindi ganyan? Kahit maulanan ako hindi ako nagkakasakit.
A: ... (Ganon yata talaga ang mga masasamang damo.)
B: Mag-vitamins ka. Sa trabahong 'to, madalas ka talagang mauulanan kaya magdala ka palagi ng payong.
A: Yes, Ma'am. (Wow, thanks for your concern.)
Hay, susmaryosep!!!

Monday, August 01, 2005

An Elegy*

We've known each other for so long
Survive we did through storms so strong.
Together we walked the sands of time,
Roads unknown or filled with grime.
And now as I lay you to rest,
I cannot help but be distressed
Because the one that took your place
Often leaves frown on my face.
Forget I must our stomps and jumps,
I cannot do them in these pumps.
A gnawing pain creeps through my toes
Oh, how I miss my rubber shoes!

*In loving memory of my sneakers. Although you are not worn, you are not forgotten.

Rants Galore...

I've only been working for a week but it feels like it's been eons. I'm beginning to feel what PGMA is not feeling (or will not ever feel) -- I want to resign. Or go AWOL. Sublimate even. Whatever the means, I want to leave that f***ing nuthouse. As in, now na.
I think I was too eager to grab the "opportunity." Out of despair, I guess. Darn. What have I got my self into?
I wish I had my dream job. One that does not:
1) require daily, weekly, monthly, quarterly reports.
2) endanger my life riding the rush hour MRT.
3) require me to "look corporate."
4) require me to have field works while looking corporate.
5) give measly pay.
6) make me miss The Morning Rush with Chico and Delamar.

7) have a bitchy Blue Eagle as the boss.

And More!!!
Conversations between the witch with a B and my alter ego.
1)Boss: I'm very particular with regards to dressing up. Hindi puwede yang ganyan, mukhang papasok ka lang sa school.
Alter Ego: What the... Itsura kong 'to?! Bakit di ka kaya tumingin sa salamin?
2) B: Naninigaw ako, so kung sensitive ka at ayaw mong masigawan, gawin mo nang maayos ang trabaho mo.
AE: Naninigaw ka? Haha, pareho pala tayo.
3) B: Pag may hiningi akong report ngayon, dapat i-submit mo ngayon. Ayokong nakakarinig ng "Wala pa po," "Bukas po..."
AE: Eh, di huwag mo hingin agad.
4) B: You should be able to increase it [sales] by 30%. If not, it means you're not doing your job.
AE: Hey, that's a post hoc argument...
5) B: Do your job well and you'll be properly incentivized.
AE: Incentivized indeed! Strunk & White must be turning in their graves this moment.
I wish I have said those to her face, but all I could do was nod and say "Yes, Ma'am." Damn. I didn't go to UP to kiss her (or anybody else's) ass.
And oh, she shares the same name with The Vamp (see Green-Eyed Monster). Sure, life is one big joke. But why do I have to be the punchline?

Friday, July 22, 2005


"No woman ever falls in love with a man unless she has a better opinion of him than he deserves."

--Edgar Watson Howe, 1853-1937
American editor, novelist, and essayist

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Green-Eyed Monster

I used to think that jealousy is for narrow-minded and insecure people who are either too ugly or just plain stupid they couldn't keep their beau. I was wrong. This conviction arises from the fact (my fact, at least) that I do not fall under any of the above-mentioned categories yet... ugh, I hate to admit it, I'm jealous.
There's this girl who has been chasing my earthling for two years now. That's what I call "fighting spirit". When he first told me about her, I was in my I'm-so-happy-everything-is-fine mood so my reaction was something like "Talaga? Hahaha! Congrats!" which, I later realized, was stupid to the nth power.
I've never really given it much thought. After all, she was unable to ensnare my earthling after two years of tireless pursuit. She had everything in her favor: timing, proximity, and his vulnerability. (BACKSTORY: She and my earthling are orgmates. She was there when I left the picture two years ago, and she was there when he needed someone to comfort him and whom he could vent his angst to when he wanted to wring my neck.) Why he didn't fall for her, I do not know. Afraid of sounding too bitchy, I give the credit to my earthling's resolve rather than to her lack of charm. Haha.
Then I realized I'm being over-confident. I found out that she has the extraordinary flirting abilities that I don't possess (not that I need them though). 
I was with my earthling one day when this girl texted him. She was inviting him to a party or something but he did not reply. A few minutes later,she texted again, quoth: "Silence means yes, does it? ü" plus a P5 pasaload to ensure his response! Grrr, how I wanted to snatch his phone and throw it away!
With all the taray I could muster, I blurted out, "I-reply mo na nga, kawawa naman."
After sending his response, he said in the usual conciliatory tone he assumes when I'm having my tantrums, "O di may P4 pa akong pang-text sayo mamaya."

Someone said that to demand love without jealousy is like asking for light that casts no shadow. I agree. A little jealousy is fine if it's there to show your significant other that you care. But if the shadow has gotten so big that it's shutting the light out, that's when you become narrow-minded, insecure, and stupid.
I'm on the preliminary stages of writing a book. It's tentatively titled Vanquishing the Vamp: Tips to Overcome the Obstinate Flirt. Suggestions are very much welcome. c",)

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Secret Life

My roommates have always thought that I have a weird, nay, unhealthy penchant for movies that tackled sensitive issues (read: sex). I have explained so many times that this kind of films widens my knowledge and "Bakit ba? Sex is the most natural thing in the world!," but I have always failed to open their eyes. Poor kids. They've been blinded by the so-called guardians of morality. Poor me. I will always be seen as a pervert.
All of my friends know that I'm a movie maniac, but not all of them know the extent of my mania. Only a few has had the privilege (haha!) of watching a "weird" film with me. So when he became my earthling, I resolved to let him get to know me better. And what better way to do so than tag him along to one of my regular haunts -- the film org that I visit for their monthly screenings. As luck would have it, the theme for the month was gay and lesbian cinema.
I have always attended their screenings alone so my going there with someone attracted attention. After some brief introduction, one of the members asked, "Bakit ngayon mo lang siya isinama?" I didn't want to tell her the entire alien-princess-and-earthling saga so I simply replied, "Busy po e." But she seemed intent on wreaking havoc and said to him, "May secret life siya e, no?"
The movie is mild by my standards but to a neophyte like him, maybe it's too much. I saw him tearing his gaze from the screen everytime a sensitive scene comes up (He reminded me of my childhood, when me and my siblings would look away or cover our eyes when people on TV do something we are not supposed to see). Good thing he still had the guts to sit through it.
"Kumusta naman?" I asked as we were leaving the place. I wanted to know what he thinks of me but I didn't know how to put it.
"Totoo yung sinabi ni ____ tungkol sa secret life mo. Parang ngayon lang talaga kita nakikilala."
"Kaya nga kita isinama e...Uhmmm, kumusta naman yung movie?" Argh, my mouth could get so uncooperative sometimes.
"Ang cheap ng istorya."

Protrusion Perturbation

Bad day. I shouldn't have looked into the mirror. Not that my face has the capacity to ruin mornings. I'm used to the perpetually sleepy eyes that scream for Visine, the dark undereye circles that refuse to leave despite the over-extended vacation, and the frizzy hair that challenges all the previous advances in hair care research.

I woke up with two HUMONGOUS pimples on my left cheek, and theyr'e just 1.5 centimeters apart!

Maybe I'm overreacting. It's perfectly normal for people of my age. I have experienced worse, when an entire galaxy of pimples broke out on my forehead just a few months ago. But that was different. There were papers to be written, reports to be done, and a thesis to be finished. There was Stress and Pressure, the dynamic duo that robs me of life and sleep.

But now, what is there to cause this facial, uhm, anomaly? I sleep at 12 midnight at the latest, wake up at 6:30 in the morning, and take naps God knows how many times within my supposed-to-be-waking hours. I haven't been drinking coffee for two months now (hooray!!!), I've been eating healthy, and I'm not particularly fond of nuts (The only thing closest to that in our house is me). Pollution? I only go out of the house to update my blog and that's not even everyday. Hormones maybe? Damn these hormones. When will they outgrow me?

Vacation has done me no good. Having so much time at my disposal drives me to make a thing out of nothing. Now it's my physiognomy and these pesky protrusions.

Saturday, June 25, 2005


By John Lennon

Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...

Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...

Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.

Double Standard

My boyfriend should be someone who:
1) is tall, dark, and handsome.
2) reads.
3) can talk about politics, music, literature, art, and films.
4) has a sense of humor.
5) is goal-oriented.
6) can play the guitar.
7) can take me home when I get drunk.
8) has an excellent fashion sense.
9) understands me.
10) loves me.

Whew! Tall order, you may say, but these traits have always been my "criteria for judging." You may be wondering how/where I got my earthling considering my standards. I assure you he is from this planet. (I can almost see your raised eyebrows...)

OK, I admit I lowered my standards a bit. I've accepted the fact that my handsome, guitar-playing, dorky but humorous prince does not exist:
1) He is just 2 inches taller than me. That's fine, I don't wear high-heels anyway.
He is a shade darker than me. Maybe that's dark enough.
Handsome? Uhmm, he's not repulsive...
2) Pugad Baboy, Beerkada, and Calvin and Hobbes. And he doesn't know Conrado de Quiros. Tsktsk.
J: Dito lang naman yan sa Manila e. May nangyari na ba sa Pilipinas na nationwide ang scope? Hindi kasama ang natural calamities a.
C: Meron. Martial law.
J: Hindi naman naramdaman samin yon e.
C: Grrrr...
J: Ganda talaga ng surrealist paintings.
C: Baroque yan e.
And we argued over it for five minutes. Of course I won.
J: Yuck! Lalake sa lalake?!
C: E dun sila masaya e. Expression lang yon ng sexuality nila.
Then I remembered he's a Christian so I opted to stop.
He gushes over William Faulkner, Butch Dalisay, Araby, and The Picture of Dorian Gray.
Hay, salamat...
4) My, my! Leave humor to me. At least he laughs at my jokes and stories...
5) The next decade of his life looks like a war plan.
6) He's a drummer. I've always thought drummers are cute...
7) J: Ayoko sa mga babaeng umiinom.
C: E di ayaw mo sakin?
Forget it. I only got wasted once.
8) Printed polo?! OK lang, idol ko naman si Roco.
9) I'd say he's known me in our past lives.
10) Sigh...

Who says love is blind? It sees. It sees too well, but in the end it doesn't mind. We set these ultra-high standards but deep inside, we know that #10 is what matters most. It's crazy.

Or maybe we're just scared of spinsterhood. Haha.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Just Another Woman In Love

By Anne Murray

I'm strong, I'm sure, I'm in control, a lady with a plan
Believing that life is a neat little package I hold in my hand
I've got it together, they call me "the girl who knows just what to say and do"
Still I fumble and fall, run into the wall, 'cause when it comes to you, I'm

Just another woman in love, a kid out of school
A fire out of control, just another fool
You touch me and I'm weak, I'm a feather in the wind
And I can't wait to feel you touching me again
With you I'm just another woman, just another woman in love

So pardon me if I should stare and tremble like a child
That "wanting you" look all over your face is driving me wild
I'm just what you make me, can't wait 'till you take me and set all my feelings free
I know that you can, so come be my man, tonight I wanna be

(CHORUS X 2 with FADE in middle of the second)

Susme, ano na naman kaya nakain ko? Paano kasi, nagvivideoke yung kapitbahay namin. Na-LSS tuloy ako...

Friday, June 17, 2005

Mock(ed) Interview

I'm not exactly wallowing in torpor. I've just downloaded a list of "tried and tested" interview questions and I'm trying to answer it. I haven't come up with sensible answers but at least I have thought of what not to answer...

Q: (warm up question) What made you apply for this position?
A: Despair.
Q: (work history) Can you describe for me one or two of your most important accomplishments?
A: I've finished a 10-page history paper overnight and managed to beat the deadline. That's something, eh?
Q: (education) What special aspects of your education have prepared you for this job (call center agent)?
A: The sleepless nights I have spent in papers and exams are best training for graveyard shifts.
Q: (interest in self-development) What kind of books and other publications do you read?
A:Oh, I read everything. I just finished "M is for Malice" and right now I'm reading "Fundamentals of Buddhism."
Q: (stress tolerance) What has been the highest pressure situation you have been under in recent years?
A: This interview.

Thursday, June 16, 2005


No papers, no exams, no graded recitations, no reports.

That scenario was what I was wishing for three months ago. I got it a month later but I'm not satisfied. How can I be? No papers, no exams, no graded recitations, no reports. And hell, no job.

I've been breathing freedom since then. I eventually discovered that freedom is just another form of slavery (hail George Orwell!). I am enslaved by boredom and lethargy. My senses are dulled -- dulled by the incessant thought of getting out of dullness. Getting a job may get me out of it.

So I stare at the world. It's too big, but there's no space for me. Maybe I'm not squeezing myself in hard enough.

I'd rather have papers, exams, graded recitations, and reports.

Terms of Endearment

Honey. Cupcake. Oreo. Kisses. Marshmallow. Gummy Bear. Chocnut. This is not a list of my favorite sweets. These are but a few of the sugary expressions lovestruck people call their loves with. Corny, really. Don't these terms leave the couples wanting to eat each other (no pun intended)?
I have yet to teach my self how not to cringe everytime I hear a friend call her boyfriend "Chocnut." But except for the occasional ear-irritation, this habit hasn't given me problems so I try not to make an issue out of it.
Until I found the one who would (want to) use such terms on me.
J: Ok lang bang tawagin kitang "love?"
C: (Corny nito...) Huh? Bakit pa? Puwede namang "Cess" lang.
J: Para special. I love you Love.
C: Nye, redundant naman yun.
C: E, anong itatawag ko sa'yo?
J: Kahit ano.
C: (with the I-have-an-idea-hehehe look on my face) Alam ko na! "Ling" na lang!
J: "Ling" for darling?
C: Darling ka diyan! "Earthling" 'yon no! Pinaikli ko lang para cute.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005


Sa mga autograph book, madalas na itinatanong ang "who is your crush?" at madalas din, ang kasunod nito ay "what attracted you most?." Minsan, sinubukan kong itanong ito sa kanya. Sa una, ang walang gatol na sagot ay: "Ikaw." Good. Sa pangalawa, matagal-tagal. Ngingiti. Titingnan ka. Parang itinatanong sa sarili "Ano nga ba?". Ngingiti ulit. "Basta...ikaw... ah...kasi masaya kang kasama. Tapos yung mga mata mo, nawawala pag ngumingiti o tumatawa."

Uuy, kilig. Advice lang: Manatili na lamang sa cloud nine. Huwag nang bumaba at magpaka-pilosopo. "Masayang kasama? Anong tingin mo sa'kin, clown? Saka paano kung napunta ka sa China? Sigurado lahat ng tao dun, nawawala ang mata pag ngumiti."
Titingnan ka ulit. Wariong itatanaong ulit sa sarili: "Bakit nga ba kita nagustuhan?" Bubuntong-hininga at sasabihin, "Ewan ko sa'yo."
Kung minsan naiisip ko, mali yata ang ginawa kong pagtalon sa bangin ng pag-ibig. Para akong nag-bungee jumping na wala yung tali. Pakiramdam ko napakabata ko pa para sa 'kalokohang' ito. Pero di ba, wala namang pinipiling edad ang pag-ibig? Basta na lamang ito dumarating. Kung minsan, kumakatok. Pero kadalasan, trespassing.

Naaawa ako sa kanya. Kung bakit kasi sa dami ng babaeng "masayang kasama at nawawala ang mga mata pag ngumingiti," sa akin pa siya nahumaling. Aba, hindi yata biro ang magmahal ng paslit na nagtatago sa katawan ng isang beinte años na babae!
Wala akong magagawa. Ganon talaga e. Magma-mature din siguro ako. Sana lang dumating ang panahong iyon bago siya mapagod.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Sanga-Sangang Diwa

Kailangan pa ba ng permiso
Upang makapasok sa mundong ito?
Balita ko'y labindal'wang libo
Bawat araw ang dagsang tao.

Hindi ko pa rin malaman
Kung bakit ito pinagkakaguluhan
Kaya nga heto't susubukan
Baka sakaling magustuhan.

Maari raw maglathala ng mga hinaing
At iba pang bagay na sayo'y pumupuwing
Kung gayon pala'y interesting
Itong daigdig ng blogging!

Ngunit tila isang balintuna
Ang pagkatha't paglathala
Ng mga personal na diwa
at ang paglahad nito sa madla.

Anupa't ang blogging ay narito na
Kahit papaano'y may dalang ligaya
Palitan ng diwa na dati'y sa dila
Ngayo'y sanga-sanga, gamit teknolohiya.