Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Secret Life

My roommates have always thought that I have a weird, nay, unhealthy penchant for movies that tackled sensitive issues (read: sex). I have explained so many times that this kind of films widens my knowledge and "Bakit ba? Sex is the most natural thing in the world!," but I have always failed to open their eyes. Poor kids. They've been blinded by the so-called guardians of morality. Poor me. I will always be seen as a pervert.
All of my friends know that I'm a movie maniac, but not all of them know the extent of my mania. Only a few has had the privilege (haha!) of watching a "weird" film with me. So when he became my earthling, I resolved to let him get to know me better. And what better way to do so than tag him along to one of my regular haunts -- the film org that I visit for their monthly screenings. As luck would have it, the theme for the month was gay and lesbian cinema.
I have always attended their screenings alone so my going there with someone attracted attention. After some brief introduction, one of the members asked, "Bakit ngayon mo lang siya isinama?" I didn't want to tell her the entire alien-princess-and-earthling saga so I simply replied, "Busy po e." But she seemed intent on wreaking havoc and said to him, "May secret life siya e, no?"
*****
The movie is mild by my standards but to a neophyte like him, maybe it's too much. I saw him tearing his gaze from the screen everytime a sensitive scene comes up (He reminded me of my childhood, when me and my siblings would look away or cover our eyes when people on TV do something we are not supposed to see). Good thing he still had the guts to sit through it.
"Kumusta naman?" I asked as we were leaving the place. I wanted to know what he thinks of me but I didn't know how to put it.
"Totoo yung sinabi ni ____ tungkol sa secret life mo. Parang ngayon lang talaga kita nakikilala."
Uh-oh.
"Kaya nga kita isinama e...Uhmmm, kumusta naman yung movie?" Argh, my mouth could get so uncooperative sometimes.
"Ang cheap ng istorya."

Protrusion Perturbation

Bad day. I shouldn't have looked into the mirror. Not that my face has the capacity to ruin mornings. I'm used to the perpetually sleepy eyes that scream for Visine, the dark undereye circles that refuse to leave despite the over-extended vacation, and the frizzy hair that challenges all the previous advances in hair care research.

I woke up with two HUMONGOUS pimples on my left cheek, and theyr'e just 1.5 centimeters apart!

Maybe I'm overreacting. It's perfectly normal for people of my age. I have experienced worse, when an entire galaxy of pimples broke out on my forehead just a few months ago. But that was different. There were papers to be written, reports to be done, and a thesis to be finished. There was Stress and Pressure, the dynamic duo that robs me of life and sleep.

But now, what is there to cause this facial, uhm, anomaly? I sleep at 12 midnight at the latest, wake up at 6:30 in the morning, and take naps God knows how many times within my supposed-to-be-waking hours. I haven't been drinking coffee for two months now (hooray!!!), I've been eating healthy, and I'm not particularly fond of nuts (The only thing closest to that in our house is me). Pollution? I only go out of the house to update my blog and that's not even everyday. Hormones maybe? Damn these hormones. When will they outgrow me?

Vacation has done me no good. Having so much time at my disposal drives me to make a thing out of nothing. Now it's my physiognomy and these pesky protrusions.

Saturday, June 25, 2005

Imagine

By John Lennon

Imagine there's no heaven,
It's easy if you try,
No hell below us,
Above us only sky,
Imagine all the people
living for today...

Imagine there's no countries,
It isnt hard to do,
Nothing to kill or die for,
No religion too,
Imagine all the people
living life in peace...

Imagine no possesions,
I wonder if you can,
No need for greed or hunger,
A brotherhood of man,
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...

You may say Im a dreamer,
but Im not the only one,
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will live as one.

Double Standard

My boyfriend should be someone who:
1) is tall, dark, and handsome.
2) reads.
3) can talk about politics, music, literature, art, and films.
4) has a sense of humor.
5) is goal-oriented.
6) can play the guitar.
7) can take me home when I get drunk.
8) has an excellent fashion sense.
9) understands me.
10) loves me.

Whew! Tall order, you may say, but these traits have always been my "criteria for judging." You may be wondering how/where I got my earthling considering my standards. I assure you he is from this planet. (I can almost see your raised eyebrows...)

OK, I admit I lowered my standards a bit. I've accepted the fact that my handsome, guitar-playing, dorky but humorous prince does not exist:
1) He is just 2 inches taller than me. That's fine, I don't wear high-heels anyway.
He is a shade darker than me. Maybe that's dark enough.
Handsome? Uhmm, he's not repulsive...
2) Pugad Baboy, Beerkada, and Calvin and Hobbes. And he doesn't know Conrado de Quiros. Tsktsk.
3) ON THE PRESENT POLITICAL TURMOIL:
J: Dito lang naman yan sa Manila e. May nangyari na ba sa Pilipinas na nationwide ang scope? Hindi kasama ang natural calamities a.
C: Meron. Martial law.
J: Hindi naman naramdaman samin yon e.
C: Grrrr...
ART GALLERY, SM MEGAMALL
J: Ganda talaga ng surrealist paintings.
C: Baroque yan e.
And we argued over it for five minutes. Of course I won.
ON GAY AND LESBIAN FILMS:
J: Yuck! Lalake sa lalake?!
C: E dun sila masaya e. Expression lang yon ng sexuality nila.
Then I remembered he's a Christian so I opted to stop.
BUT...
He gushes over William Faulkner, Butch Dalisay, Araby, and The Picture of Dorian Gray.
Hay, salamat...
4) My, my! Leave humor to me. At least he laughs at my jokes and stories...
5) The next decade of his life looks like a war plan.
6) He's a drummer. I've always thought drummers are cute...
7) J: Ayoko sa mga babaeng umiinom.
C: E di ayaw mo sakin?
Forget it. I only got wasted once.
8) Printed polo?! OK lang, idol ko naman si Roco.
9) I'd say he's known me in our past lives.
10) Sigh...

Who says love is blind? It sees. It sees too well, but in the end it doesn't mind. We set these ultra-high standards but deep inside, we know that #10 is what matters most. It's crazy.

Or maybe we're just scared of spinsterhood. Haha.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

Just Another Woman In Love

By Anne Murray

I'm strong, I'm sure, I'm in control, a lady with a plan
Believing that life is a neat little package I hold in my hand
I've got it together, they call me "the girl who knows just what to say and do"
Still I fumble and fall, run into the wall, 'cause when it comes to you, I'm

CHORUS
Just another woman in love, a kid out of school
A fire out of control, just another fool
You touch me and I'm weak, I'm a feather in the wind
And I can't wait to feel you touching me again
With you I'm just another woman, just another woman in love

So pardon me if I should stare and tremble like a child
That "wanting you" look all over your face is driving me wild
I'm just what you make me, can't wait 'till you take me and set all my feelings free
I know that you can, so come be my man, tonight I wanna be

(CHORUS X 2 with FADE in middle of the second)


*****
Susme, ano na naman kaya nakain ko? Paano kasi, nagvivideoke yung kapitbahay namin. Na-LSS tuloy ako...

Friday, June 17, 2005

Mock(ed) Interview

I'm not exactly wallowing in torpor. I've just downloaded a list of "tried and tested" interview questions and I'm trying to answer it. I haven't come up with sensible answers but at least I have thought of what not to answer...

Q: (warm up question) What made you apply for this position?
A: Despair.
Q: (work history) Can you describe for me one or two of your most important accomplishments?
A: I've finished a 10-page history paper overnight and managed to beat the deadline. That's something, eh?
Q: (education) What special aspects of your education have prepared you for this job (call center agent)?
A: The sleepless nights I have spent in papers and exams are best training for graveyard shifts.
Q: (interest in self-development) What kind of books and other publications do you read?
A:Oh, I read everything. I just finished "M is for Malice" and right now I'm reading "Fundamentals of Buddhism."
Q: (stress tolerance) What has been the highest pressure situation you have been under in recent years?
A: This interview.

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Free

No papers, no exams, no graded recitations, no reports.

That scenario was what I was wishing for three months ago. I got it a month later but I'm not satisfied. How can I be? No papers, no exams, no graded recitations, no reports. And hell, no job.

I've been breathing freedom since then. I eventually discovered that freedom is just another form of slavery (hail George Orwell!). I am enslaved by boredom and lethargy. My senses are dulled -- dulled by the incessant thought of getting out of dullness. Getting a job may get me out of it.

So I stare at the world. It's too big, but there's no space for me. Maybe I'm not squeezing myself in hard enough.

I'd rather have papers, exams, graded recitations, and reports.

Terms of Endearment

Honey. Cupcake. Oreo. Kisses. Marshmallow. Gummy Bear. Chocnut. This is not a list of my favorite sweets. These are but a few of the sugary expressions lovestruck people call their loves with. Corny, really. Don't these terms leave the couples wanting to eat each other (no pun intended)?
I have yet to teach my self how not to cringe everytime I hear a friend call her boyfriend "Chocnut." But except for the occasional ear-irritation, this habit hasn't given me problems so I try not to make an issue out of it.
Until I found the one who would (want to) use such terms on me.
*****
J: Ok lang bang tawagin kitang "love?"
C: (Corny nito...) Huh? Bakit pa? Puwede namang "Cess" lang.
J: Para special. I love you Love.
C: Nye, redundant naman yun.
J:...
C: E, anong itatawag ko sa'yo?
J: Kahit ano.
C: (with the I-have-an-idea-hehehe look on my face) Alam ko na! "Ling" na lang!
J: "Ling" for darling?
C: Darling ka diyan! "Earthling" 'yon no! Pinaikli ko lang para cute.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Bulag

Sa mga autograph book, madalas na itinatanong ang "who is your crush?" at madalas din, ang kasunod nito ay "what attracted you most?." Minsan, sinubukan kong itanong ito sa kanya. Sa una, ang walang gatol na sagot ay: "Ikaw." Good. Sa pangalawa, matagal-tagal. Ngingiti. Titingnan ka. Parang itinatanong sa sarili "Ano nga ba?". Ngingiti ulit. "Basta...ikaw... ah...kasi masaya kang kasama. Tapos yung mga mata mo, nawawala pag ngumingiti o tumatawa."

Uuy, kilig. Advice lang: Manatili na lamang sa cloud nine. Huwag nang bumaba at magpaka-pilosopo. "Masayang kasama? Anong tingin mo sa'kin, clown? Saka paano kung napunta ka sa China? Sigurado lahat ng tao dun, nawawala ang mata pag ngumiti."
Titingnan ka ulit. Wariong itatanaong ulit sa sarili: "Bakit nga ba kita nagustuhan?" Bubuntong-hininga at sasabihin, "Ewan ko sa'yo."
********
Kung minsan naiisip ko, mali yata ang ginawa kong pagtalon sa bangin ng pag-ibig. Para akong nag-bungee jumping na wala yung tali. Pakiramdam ko napakabata ko pa para sa 'kalokohang' ito. Pero di ba, wala namang pinipiling edad ang pag-ibig? Basta na lamang ito dumarating. Kung minsan, kumakatok. Pero kadalasan, trespassing.

Naaawa ako sa kanya. Kung bakit kasi sa dami ng babaeng "masayang kasama at nawawala ang mga mata pag ngumingiti," sa akin pa siya nahumaling. Aba, hindi yata biro ang magmahal ng paslit na nagtatago sa katawan ng isang beinte aƱos na babae!
Wala akong magagawa. Ganon talaga e. Magma-mature din siguro ako. Sana lang dumating ang panahong iyon bago siya mapagod.

Monday, June 06, 2005

Sanga-Sangang Diwa

Kailangan pa ba ng permiso
Upang makapasok sa mundong ito?
Balita ko'y labindal'wang libo
Bawat araw ang dagsang tao.

Hindi ko pa rin malaman
Kung bakit ito pinagkakaguluhan
Kaya nga heto't susubukan
Baka sakaling magustuhan.

Maari raw maglathala ng mga hinaing
At iba pang bagay na sayo'y pumupuwing
Kung gayon pala'y interesting
Itong daigdig ng blogging!

Ngunit tila isang balintuna
Ang pagkatha't paglathala
Ng mga personal na diwa
at ang paglahad nito sa madla.

Anupa't ang blogging ay narito na
Kahit papaano'y may dalang ligaya
Palitan ng diwa na dati'y sa dila
Ngayo'y sanga-sanga, gamit teknolohiya.