Thursday, August 31, 2006

Happiness is a state of mind (?)

Two quarters of a year in a job I’m not too keen of is quite an accomplishment, especially for a “get-this-day-over-with” type of person like me. I can only wonder how I managed to survive six months of wishing that the present day be over soon and praying that the next one be better than the last.
So, what exactly do I hate about my work? Uhm, it’s hard to point one precise reason, but I do have quite a number of little peeves that form a huge monster when added up.

1. Blah and boring. Unless you think staring at the computer monitor is exciting.
2. I can’t stand questions. With my job, I get to encounter questions right and left, but I hate it most when I’m asked questions I have no answer to. Like “Bakit si Oyo Boy ang love interest ni Sabina? Ang sagwa!”
3. It entails heavy responsibility. One wrong move and everybody is getting on your back and berating you for not being smart enough to handle things.
4. I hate people (“hate” seems too strong a word. All right, dislike). I’ve been a loner all my life and here I am, trying to be nice to a hundred people who destroy my peace everyday. It’s just too much…

To cut the long story short, I’m not happy. Funny how I used to think how big a crap this “happiness” thing is, that it is just a state of mind and if you induce your brain cells to produce pleasure hormones everything will be all right. But now I know better. Sure, you can fake satisfaction in other endeavors (*wink*) and get away with it too, but the heart is far more intelligent than what we were made to believe.

Happiness is a vitamin that nourishes the soul, the absence of which is detrimental to one’s being.
Case in point:
Friend: Mukha kang ngarag.
Me: Talaga? (I couldn’t believe it, since last week was the idlest period of my stay here)
Friend: Oo no. Busy ba?
Me: Medyo (Of course, I lied. I didn’t want to reveal that I have the extraordinary ability of harassing myself).
Friend: Ako rin nga e. (And off she went to enumerate her To-do list. I wonder how she manages to look okay, when her activities sound like a death sentence to me.)

But after all these rants, I will probably just stick to where I am and think that I will still be unhappy anyway if I have nothing to pay my dear landlady with… (sigh)

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