Monday, September 18, 2006

Juvenile No More*

I am now twenty-two (That is my age, not the versions of me debating within my head, the number of which is probably double, haha.). Three hundred and sixty-five days slipped away without me knowing it. Have I grown older? I couldn’t tell. Every year I ask where the past year went, what became of my plans, what happened with my life. And every year I arrive at the same answer – I don’t know. These rantings have been a birthday ritual actually. Every essay asks, “What’s the point of living? What’s in store for me?” Reality is questioned, love and faith viewed with skepticism. Every essay ends with a resolution that I will face life head-on, rotten as it is. What has life done to disappoint me? I’m not sure, but I’m not happy with mine. But I see my life is quite a breeze compared to others’. I eat three (or more) times a day, I have a job, and I have my family and friends. All right, I’m an asshole. It’s just me and my I-am-the-center-of-the-universe belief (which is so hard to unlearn). As Alexander Pope puts it, “All looks yellow to a jaundiced eye.” Well, at least I am self-aware. That’s a good start, isn’t it?
*Juvenile sounds rather negative, probably because it’s been associated with the word “delinquency” for so long, but it only means “young, youth, or adolescent”. I just couldn’t find a word that starts with the letter J (I’ve been trying to complete the alphabet with my entries’ titles.). At any rate, my sister who’s a Social Work major says “juvenile delinquent” is an obsolete phrase and it has been replaced with “children in conflict with the law”, or CICL,to be more politically correct. Wala lang…

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