Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Cosmic Correspondence

Dear Universe,

A funny thing happened while I was on Facebook today. I've been morose for the past two weeks over some unmet expectations, and so I was quite surprised with the way I reacted when I saw this thing on my Wall. You see, this thing is the very reason why I got disappointed, why my self-esteem hit rock-bottom, why I was miserable. In a span of 120 seconds, a spectrum of emotions engulfed my heart (oh yes, I have one) that ultimately gave me the serenity I haven't known for days.

At first I laughed so hard, not realizing that I was laughing at some bad joke where I was the punch line. Then I shrugged, singing "if it makes you happy it can't be that bad." The shrugging must have caused my emotional baggage to fall because I felt relieved afterwards. I stopped cursing fates, made peace with the self I've been berating for committing such an epic idiocy, forgave the one who has been reckless with my feelings, and acknowledged that I may have been reckless, too.

Someone said that love is magical when it is the truth. I'm lucky to have experienced such magic before, and I now realize that to attain it one must be patient, one must not compel another to conjure affections where there is none, to mistake lust for love. The truth is out there. I'm no longer in a rush to meet mine since I know I have better things to do (like study for Evidence midterms). But should you decide to give it to me now you wouldn't hear me complain. :)


Love,
Cess

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Marooned

You don’t cry, you don’t care
Afraid to have a love affair…
Maroon 5 is playing again. It's been playing everywhere -- on my phone, my laptop, my office PC. I wasn’t a fan until I saw them perform three months ago, with you. I really thought that was the beginning of something. To be honest, there was no spark, or magic, or romcom what-have-yous when we first met. You were reeling from a break-up, I was suffering from a bad case of infatuation. Misery loves company, so they say. Then we hit it off. You said you like me. Would it be ok if I court you? I didn’t know how to react so I feigned indifference. Why would you do that? 

I'm not falling in love with ya, I'm not falling in love
'til I get a little more from you baby…

It happened so fast, I needed to be sure. Hundreds of text messages and scores of  phone calls later, I thought I was certain. I tried to tell you but another uncertainty troubled me. You didn’t seem to be interested anymore. Suddenly the SMS and calls ceased. No explanations, no goodbyes. You just perished into oblivion. A few days later you went from “single” to “in a relationship”. Oh, the inconstancy of human emotions! 

You take my hand just to give it back
No other lover has ever done that  

Still I listen. For although the songs remind me so much of you, I cannot give up the aural pleasure they provide just yet.

I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
So this is goodbye.




Thursday, August 11, 2011

Inked!


I’ve been wanting to have one. One that would complement my personality and would make me happy, but I’ve been too afraid to get hurt.

And no, I’m not referring to a lover. 



Gra: Masakit ba? Ano ang level ng pain? 
Cess: Oo masakit, pero hindi kasingsakit ng heartbreak. 

Ganun e.







Monday, August 08, 2011

gradpic grumbles

I wasn't supposed to have my gradpic taken yet, since I won't be part of this year's graduating batch, but when I found out that everyone in my block (those delayed included) is having theirs already, eh sasabay na rin ako. Who would want to be in a yearbook where the only person you know is your self?

The past couple of days have been spent on thinking of ideas for the creative shot. Never mind that I actually have a lot of academic issues to think about, and that I have to take them seriously to be able to graduate and deserve a page on the yearbook. Anyway, the creative shot. I don't want a repeat of my undergrad creative shot which wasn't really creative, since i didn't prepare for it and only wore what props the photographers had.

My options so far are the following:

because I love Audrey Hepburn...

or this. Talk about minimalism.

uh, probably not

Maybe a super heroine?
Ding, ang bato...

or go the anime route:
 Sailor Moon


This one's gonna be DIFFICULT.
"My hair is too heavy I couldn't smile."

Pwede ring when-I-grow-up mode:
Because this is what I will become if I don't graduate. *evil laugh*

E yung ganito na lang?
Que horror!

Better ideas, anyone?

Law, Like Love

by W.H. Auden (1939)

Law, say the gardeners, is the sun,
Law is the one
All gardeners obey
To-morrow, yesterday, to-day.

Law is the wisdom of the old,
The impotent grandfathers feebly scold;
The grandchildren put out a treble tongue,
Law is the senses of the young.

Law, says the priest with a priestly look,
Expounding to an unpriestly people,
Law is the words in my priestly book,
Law is my pulpit and my steeple.

Law, says the judge as he looks down his nose,
Speaking clearly and most severely,
Law is as I've told you before,
Law is as you know I suppose,
Law is but let me explain it once more,
Law is The Law.

Yet law-abiding scholars write:
Law is neither wrong nor right,
Law is only crimes
Punished by places and by times,
Law is the clothes men wear
Anytime, anywhere,
Law is Good morning and Good night.

Others say, Law is our Fate;
Others say, Law is our State;
Others say, others say
Law is no more,
Law has gone away.

And always the loud angry crowd,
Very angry and very loud,
Law is We,
And always the soft idiot softly Me.

If we, dear, know we know no more
Than they about the Law,
If I no more than you
Know what we should and should not do
Except that all agree
Gladly or miserably
That the Law is
And that all know this
If therefore thinking it absurd
To identify Law with some other word,
Unlike so many men
I cannot say Law is again,

No more than they can we suppress
The universal wish to guess
Or slip out of our own position
Into an unconcerned condition.
Although I can at least confine
Your vanity and mine
To stating timidly
A timid similarity,
We shall boast anyway:
Like love I say.

Like love we don't know where or why,
Like love we can't compel or fly,
Like love we often weep,
Like love we seldom keep.