Wednesday, September 21, 2011

What a Feeling

What a feeling, bein's believin'
I can't have it all, now I'm dancin' for my life
Take your passion, and make it happen
Pictures come alive, you can dance right through your life…

Strange, but that was the first song that played in my head when I saw my Civil Procedure grade. And I’m not even a fan of Flashdance. Haha.

CivPro is a five-unit subject taught by a professor who is notorious for flunking students. My dismal (that’s how I felt at least; our bluebooks were not returned.) performance in the midterms and final exams and my unremarkable recitations made me more inclined to believe that I will not survive the subject. But I knew failure isn’t an option because my grade in that subject will determine if I get to stay in UP Law. And the agony of waiting! The professor also has a reputation for submitting grades late, so late that we are now taking another subject (Evidence) under her without ever having benefited from the double jeopardy rule. Worse, every time a procedural question comes up during class she would go “What happened to your CivPro? I should flunk all of you!” which naturally brings the class to stratospheric levels of stress.

As luck would have it, the grades were released on the same day as my schedule for the gradpic shoot, a day after my birthday. So there I was, all dolled-up, fighting back the urge to break down and cry, and when it was my turn to go in front of the camera, the photographer chided me for giving him ngiting aso. His “Smile for graduation!” quip made me all the more nervous, because my brain was telling me “Graduation? Are you sure?”. One joke finally worked and made my eyes smile --  Isipin mo ang boyfriend mo. Wala po akong boyfriend. Isipin mo ang boyfriend ng iba. Winner. At hindi ko sasabihin kung kanino boyfriend ang inisip ko. Hahaha. Good thing my friends were there. Medyo na-deflect ang nerbyos ko. Especially when we had the Spice Girls shot (which merits another post btw).

After the shoot, we had dinner at Technohub. I said I won’t check the grades until I’m in the confines of my room so no one would see me break down, but the thought of crying alone wasn’t too appealing so I ended up checking the CRS via mobile immediately after dinner. At least I’d have friends to drink with whatever the results were. 

There was an interminable dialogue within my head while scrolling down.  Ugh, kill me now! E kung later na lang? Ayoko na talaga. Please, please, please Universe, be kind. What the heck, just check. OMG, I passed!

Finally, peace of mind.  No more sudden outbursts of "s#%t, p&@%ng ina!" or staring blankly in space whenever I hear the word CivPro. The future is a bit clearer now (a bit lang, may Evidence pa). Parang gusto ko nang maniwala sa manghuhulang kinonsulta ng nanay ko last year.***

Best birthday gift ever. Thank you po, Lord. Thank you, Prof. VAA. Thank you, friends. Mapapasayaw na ako, dalawang kaliwang paa notwithstanding.

***Mommy: Sabi ng manghuhula gagraduate ka naman daw. Magkakaroon ka pa daw ng third degree.
Me: Weh, di nga? Baka third degree burns.