Monday, April 01, 2013

On the freak-out inducing years called late twenties.

People say that the twenties is your defining decade, the years that decide who you are and what you will become. In a sense, it is true. Your twenties see you shed the emotional imbalance and raging hormones that plagued your teens; you start to learn how to handle responsibilities and discover how to balance work and play.

Or not. For someone who didn't really party hard in her teens, the twenties, especially the later years, could come as a shock. Sabi ko nga, I feel like I have skipped the aesthetic sphere in Kierkegaard’s spheres of human existence. I was too serious that I forgot the simple pleasures of, uh, pleasure-seeking. After graduation, I got a job and then I got bored so I went to law school (You don’t do that!). Somebody told me that I am being too harsh on myself, that having a college diploma and a stable job is what society expects of me and I already have it so it should be enough. But it is not. And when I really think about why I decided to take up law, beyond boredom, it is this -- I am capable of doing more, so why settle? Now, as to whether or not law is the stuff I should be doing is another question.

So one day I woke up and examined how I've been living since I left college.  In my head echoed a line from Mary Oliver – “Are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?” Naturally I freaked out.

The fine thing about being human is that we are endowed with the ability to steer our own ships, and I am glad that I realized this before it’s too late. And to address this need to live more fully, I am embarking on a “self-actualization project” (or SAP, for brevity). Strictly speaking, however, this is not the self-actualization that Maslow envisioned, since I don’t think I have satisfied one of the four basic needs (i.e., love/belongingness. Emoterang frog. LOL.). What this SAP entails is doing things I have always wanted to do but didn't have the time to/I was too lazy/I thought they are crazy or dangerous. In other words, I will just throw myself into experiencing things that will contribute to my growth, my pursuit of happiness, and the contents of this blog. Haha.

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