Thursday, April 11, 2013

The Music of the Night

It’s 1am and I can’t sleep. This has been playing for an hour now. I wonder what he was thinking of when he wrote this. 

And the title. What does it mean? That there really is no time unless you stop making excuses? Perhaps. Or am I just reading my own reflection into it? But isn’t all art a mirror of ourselves? 

I should be sleeping.

1:18am. No dice. This is strange. I usually fall asleep seconds within touching the bed. It must be the music. There is a hint of frenzied call to action somewhere. Again, maybe it’s just me. The SAP thing has opened the floodgates of yearning, yearning to do more, to experience more, to live more. Why did I wait for so long? 

Lately I've been restless, trying to figure out what to do, where to go, how to do the SAP without jeopardizing the future (i.e., my bar exam fund lol). Sometimes I feel guilty. Here I am putting my future on hold, whiling away what should have been the last few months in Malcolm. But really, what is the future for if you don’t live through the present? Oh well. The guilt is nothing compared to the overwhelming feeling of living. Maybe what I need is to hold back a little, to not let this hunger turn into avarice, to temper this lust for life. Because running after so many things makes us lose sight of what’s important. 

And with that, the next track. 

1:46am. Still awake. Is it possible to get used to something you only have in moments few and far between? 

"Wake up and make love with me." I wish you would. Haha. 
2:03am. The last time I forced myself to sleep I had a bizarre dream. I was in a convent, trying to escape from nuns who were forcing me to put on their garb. When I told you about it you wondered how I would look like if they succeeded. Terrible, I said. 

2:14am. I think I need that capsule again. Cortitrol? I wish sleep could be bottled. And time. And happiness. So we could just store them and use them up as the need arises. 

Not connected to anything but this song came next. 

Let’s go to the beach. 

Realization: I have the most random playlist in the world. 

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